omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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