he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The adults are the big ones right?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
