worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
