You can't special order awesome
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
