i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
