how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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