This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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