Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
