So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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