He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
