my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
