It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
