walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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