hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I can't turn off my feet"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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