I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
