Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
