Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
