I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
