Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
