I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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