He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Randomize
