So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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