Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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