question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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