I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
