It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
