I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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