I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
My feet surprised me
Randomize
