Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
