bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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