PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
