seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just invented taco cereal.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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