I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
