i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We had sex on a dog bed..
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
