In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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