24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
