We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
