What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
