You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
