also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
