I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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