College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
