you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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