dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
