i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
