You're my little dorito
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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