hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
