Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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