I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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