who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
