Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
