god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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