What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
