My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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