He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
